When someone close to you is living with anxiety and depression, it is hard to know what to do. You may find yourself walking on eggshells, saying the wrong thing, wanting to fix it and being unable to. That helpless feeling is common, and it doesn’t mean you are failing.

This guide explains what the person may be going through, what to say and what to avoid, how to help in practical ways, how to respond to a panic attack or a crisis, and how to look after yourself. It is written for partners, family members, friends and colleagues. It is general information, not medical advice.

In short

Anxiety and depression often occur together. Both are health conditions, not weakness, laziness or attention-seeking.

The most helpful things are simple: listen without judging, take them seriously, stay in touch, and encourage professional help.

Avoid “just cheer up”, “others have it worse”, and pushing or ultimatums. They usually make the person feel more alone.

If you’re worried about suicide, ask directly and calmly. Asking does not plant the idea, and it can open the door to help.

Both conditions are treatable. Look after your own wellbeing too. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

First, understand what you’re dealing with

Anxiety goes beyond everyday worry. It can mean constant, hard-to-control worry, a sense of dread, restlessness, tension, irritability, trouble sleeping, and sometimes panic attacks, with a racing heart, breathlessness, shaking or dizziness.

Depression goes beyond sadness. It can mean persistently low mood or loss of interest in things that used to matter, together with changes in sleep or appetite, exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and sometimes thoughts of death or suicide. Clinicians generally look for symptoms lasting at least two weeks and affecting daily life.

The two often occur together, and each can feed the other: constant worry is exhausting and can wear someone down into low mood, while depression can make fears feel heavier and harder to face.

What it is not. It is not a choice, a character flaw or something the person can simply “snap out of.” People often feel ashamed of their symptoms, which is one reason they hide them. In India, stigma and fear of being judged can make people stay silent for a long time.

Signs you may notice from the outside

Withdrawing from family, friends and activities
Irritability, tearfulness or mood changes that seem out of character
Avoiding places, events or responsibilities because of fear
Sleeping much more or much less than usual
Changes in appetite or weight
Constant tiredness or physical complaints, such as headaches or stomach problems, with no clear cause
Difficulty concentrating, or struggling at work or school
Saying things like “I’m a burden” or “nothing will get better”
Drinking or using substances more than before to cope (see below)

No single sign confirms anything. A cluster of changes, lasting more than a couple of weeks, is a reason to reach out.

How to talk to them

Choose your moment. Pick a private, unhurried time, not in the middle of an argument or when either of you is rushed.

Start with care, not diagnosis. You don’t need to name the condition.

“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. I’m worried, and I care about you.”
“You don’t have to explain everything. I’m here if you want to talk.”
“How are you really doing?”

Listen more than you talk. Let there be silences. You don’t need to solve anything in that moment. Showing that you’ve heard them often matters more than any advice.

Validate the feeling. You don’t have to agree with how they see things to acknowledge that it hurts.

“That sounds really hard.”
“I can see how exhausting that is.”
“Thank you for telling me.”

Be patient with repeats. Someone with anxiety may need to talk about the same fear more than once. A calm “I’m still here” goes a long way.

What to avoid

“Just cheer up”, “think positive”, “snap out of it”. These suggest the person is choosing to feel this way.
“Others have it worse.” It adds guilt on top of pain.
Minimising or dismissing. “It’s all in your head” or “you’re overreacting.”
Taking it personally, if they withdraw or snap. The symptoms are rarely about you.
Constant advice or fixing. Unrequested solutions can feel like criticism.
Pressure, ultimatums or threats. These tend to deepen shame and secrecy.
Gossiping or sharing their situation with people who don’t need to know, which can damage trust.
Doing everything to protect them from what they fear. With anxiety, loving help can slip into helping the person avoid things, which can keep the fear going. Aim for supporting small, manageable steps rather than removing every challenge.

Practical ways to help

Offer concrete help, not vague offers. “Can I bring dinner on Thursday?” works better than “Let me know if you need anything.”
Help with small tasks that feel overwhelming: appointments, paperwork, errands.
Keep gentle routines going: regular meals, a short walk together, consistent sleep times. Depression and anxiety both respond to rhythm, though a routine can’t replace treatment.
Keep inviting them, without pressure. Even if they say no, being asked reminds them they still belong.
Check in regularly, with a short message or call, without expecting a long reply.
Encourage professional help, and offer to help find someone, make the call or go along to the first appointment.
Notice and acknowledge effort, such as getting out of bed, going to an appointment or telling you how they feel.

If they’re having a panic attack

A panic attack feels frightening, but it passes. You can help by:

Staying calm and staying with them. Your steadiness helps.
Speaking slowly and simply. “You’re safe. This will pass. I’m here.”
Encouraging slow breathing, in through the nose and out slowly, ideally breathing alongside them.
Grounding them in the present. For example, asking them to name things they can see or hear.
Not arguing with the fear or telling them there’s nothing to worry about.
Seeking urgent medical help if there is chest pain that doesn’t ease, if this is the first time, or if you’re unsure. Call 112 if in doubt.

If you’re worried they might harm themselves

This is the part many people fear most, so it’s worth being clear:

Ask directly and calmly. “Are you thinking about ending your life?” or “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” Research reviews have found that asking about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts, and it can bring relief.
Listen without arguing or panicking. Take what they say seriously.
Don’t promise to keep it a secret. You can say you care too much to keep something this serious to yourself.
Don’t leave them alone if you believe they are in immediate danger.
Get help now. Call 112, or take them to the nearest emergency department. In India, the free national tele-mental-health helpline Tele-MANAS (14416) offers support and can advise you on next steps.
If it is safe to do so, reduce access to anything the person could use to harm themselves.
Follow up afterwards. Stay in touch and make sure they connect with professional care.

If the person has talked about suicide or self-harm and you’re unsure how serious it is, it is better to act than to wait.

When professional help is needed

Encourage them to see a doctor or mental health professional if:

Symptoms have lasted more than a couple of weeks
Daily life, work, study or relationships are affected
They are drinking or using substances to cope
They have panic attacks, or avoid more and more of everyday life
They have any thoughts of self-harm or suicide, which needs help right away

What treatment involves

Both anxiety and depression are treatable, and many people recover or manage them well. Treatment is individual, but typically includes:

A full assessment, by a doctor or psychiatrist, to understand what is going on and rule out physical causes
Talking therapy. Cognitive behavioural therapy is one of the best-studied approaches for both conditions
Medication, where appropriate, prescribed and monitored by a doctor. It should never be started or stopped suddenly without medical advice
Lifestyle support, such as sleep, activity, nutrition and routine, as part of treatment, not instead of it
Treatment of any substance use that has developed alongside, which is common. Our guides to dual diagnosis and how to talk to someone about getting help for addiction explain why both conditions need attention together
Family involvement and education, so the people around the person understand what helps

For a deeper look at your own role as a partner, see our guide on how to support a partner through depression without losing yourself.

Look after yourself too

Supporting someone through anxiety and depression is draining, and carers’ own wellbeing often goes unnoticed.

Accept that you can support, but not cure. Recovery isn’t something you can do for them.
Set boundaries kindly. You can care deeply and still protect your own sleep, time and health.
Don’t be the only support. Encourage them to build a wider circle, including professionals.
Look after your basics: sleep, food, movement and time with people who recharge you.
Get your own support. A friend, counsellor or support group can help you cope. If your own mood, sleep or anxiety are being affected, please take that seriously too.
Expect ups and downs. Setbacks are common and don’t mean you’ve done something wrong.

Some situations need a different approach

A partner. Open, regular conversation, shared small routines and couples support can help, and so can your own space. Avoid taking their low mood as a verdict on the relationship.
A teenager or child. Look out for changes in sleep, mood, school and friendships, respond with curiosity rather than punishment, and involve a professional early. Our guide to teen substance use and family therapy explains why connection works better than confrontation.
A colleague. A private, kind check-in, information about support available at work and respect for their privacy are usually the best you can do.
Someone far away. Regular short calls or messages, without pressure to respond, keep the connection alive.

How Thamarai can help

At Thamarai Healing Center in Pollachi, treatment for anxiety, depression and related conditions starts with a comprehensive medical and psychiatric assessment, so that the full picture is understood, including any co-occurring substance use. Our multidisciplinary team includes a consultant psychiatrist and a consultant psychologist, and care combines evidence-based therapies with a calm, private, residential setting. You can read more about our anxiety disorder and mental illness treatment care.

If you’re worried about someone, or about yourself, a confidential conversation is a good place to start. Speak to our team confidentially →

Frequently asked questions

How do I support someone with anxiety and depression?
Listen without judging, take their feelings seriously, offer specific practical help, keep in touch, encourage professional care, and look after your own wellbeing.

What should I not say to someone with depression or anxiety?
Avoid “just cheer up”, “others have it worse”, “it’s all in your head”, and any comparison or pressure. Say instead that you care, that you’re listening, and that you’re there.

Can anxiety and depression happen together?
Yes, very commonly. Each can worsen the other, which is why a proper assessment of both matters.

Will asking someone about suicide put the idea in their head?
No. Research reviews have found that asking directly does not increase suicidal thoughts, and it can help the person feel heard and open the way to support.

What if they refuse to get help?
You can’t force an adult to seek treatment. Keep the door open without nagging, offer practical help, state your concerns calmly, and look after yourself. If you believe they’re at risk of harming themselves, get urgent help.

How do I help someone during a panic attack?
Stay calm and with them, speak slowly, encourage slow breathing, ground them in the present, and call 112 if there’s chest pain that doesn’t ease or you’re unsure.

Can anxiety and depression be treated?
Yes. Therapy such as CBT, medication where appropriate, lifestyle support and treatment of any related substance use help many people recover or manage well.

How do I cope with the stress of supporting someone?
Accept you can’t cure it, set kind boundaries, protect your own sleep and time, and get support for yourself from friends, a counsellor or a support group.

This article is for general information and isn’t a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If someone is in immediate danger, call 112.

Sources

World Health Organization. mhGAP Intervention Guide for mental, neurological and substance use disorders and Doing What Matters in Times of Stress.
NICE. Depression in adults: treatment and management (NG222) and Generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder in adults: management (CG113).
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR). 2022.
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Anxiety Disorders and Depression.
Dazzi T, Gribble R, Wessely S, Fear NT. Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? What is the evidence? Psychological Medicine, 2014.
Kitchener BA, Jorm AF. Mental Health First Aid Manual. (Mental Health First Aid action plan.)

How to Deal With a Person With Anxiety and Depression: What Helps, What Doesn’t